Dude, No One Wants to See Your Dick

By now everyone's heard of "Weinergate" the New York US Representative Anthony Weiner's elicit picture of his dong he tweeted to numerous (or at least one) of his followers.  This opened up a flood gate of other women coming forward to claim that Rep. Weiner had "inappropriate" online relationships with them as well, all to the merriment of cable news anchors everywhere.

So, as all this "news" unraveled throughout the week, it brought to mind this question:  What woman wants to see a dude's dick? 

I mean, beyond I guess, curiosity?  Like, do women LIKE to see dude's dicks?  Is it like for men, when we want to see boobs?  I'll go out on a limb and say "no, chicks do not like to see penises."

Dicks are gross... they're not designed to be fawned over or marveled at.  They do not represent anything beautiful about the body because they're designed along a utilitarian purpose: to work and work well. 

Sure, dicks come in all shapes and sizes and there's probably some sort of level of fascination amongst women as to what someone's dick MIGHT look like, but I don't think many women get "turned on" by the sight of a cock.  I bet it's quite the opposite; women are likely turned OFF by a giant, throbbing tube of meat.

The penis can be intimidating, fearsome even.  I think maybe some women have a healthy fear of the dick or maybe, secretly hate it.

So this begs to mind, why would a man send a woman a picture of his wangus?  What would possess a clear-thinking gentleman to reach down the front of his trousers, pull out his semi-engorged member with one hand, and try to frame an artistic picture with his cell phone in the other?  Why?

Do men think women like to see a wrinkly, lint-strewn meat dagger with a few sparse hairs clinging around it's base?  Maybe men get off on this sort of behavior?  Apparently Anthony Weiner does.

And I'm not judging... whatever man, do you.  But seriously, no one wants to see your dick.  No one wants to see anyone's dick, period.

So fellas, guys: please, keep your penises in your pants.... unless it's for comedic purposes, ala Jason Segel in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" which was hilarious.  Or the old "oh, I got gum on my new jeans" and you turn around and you're pulling your sac through your zipper hole and make everyone look at your tired-looking, stretched out balls.  That's always a good time.

And on the subject of balls, no one's balls are even remotely attractive.  Phrase I will NEVER overhear in a queue at Starbucks: "Oh, and Mary, his balls.... my god, his balls, were just... PERFECT."

No, balls are .... anything but perfect, ladies and gentlemen and we all know it.  Those guys need to just stay right where they are, mooshed up against someone's (preferably their owner's) thigh, in a dense fog of sweat and ass fumes.