Ah, the joys of rampant unemployment.
But I've noticed in my wanderings that there's no real protocol for commenting. So I thought I'd do everyone a service and give some tips on how to properly leave a comment on a website.
1. Throw out everything you know about spelling, grammar, and sentence structure:
Yup, this is the 21st century Hoss, those "rules" you learned in school way back when don't count for shit in this future age of technology. In fact, try to use as many obscure abbreviations as possible as well. Leave periods hanging in some "no-man's land"; a space between the last letter in a word and the first letter in the next word. Be a maverick, go rogue... that's how people will know you mean business.
You don't have time to play by the rules, you run it loose. And people will respect you for it.
2. Make sure You capitalize random Words so they Stand out.
You may have thought you heard of proper nouns, but that's just some bullshit teachers want you to carry around in your brain-case, instead of important stuff like which screws go into what type of material or what the sound of a Big Block 454 sounds like a quarter mile away.
To you, every word is important, but by capitalizing those "extra" important words will really make your point extra valid.
Fuck indents, or even spacing shit out into easy to read, and comprehensive topic-driven paragraphs, that shit's for pussies and cross dressers. You want a monolith of your words to convey your supreme opinion, a lasting monument of your hard work and thoughtfulness.
Nothing gets my intellectual panties wet like seeing an 8" x 8" hunk of words haphazardly mashed together to form some sort of rambling, barely coherent train of thought. NOTHING.
4. Get angry and make threats when someone challenges your opinion and enter a days-long "flame war" to defend your POV:
Some people might get jealous of your obvious command of a given topic, regardless of how little you actually know of the situation. These people might even be so bold to call you out. They might use words like "troll" or "idiot" or "ignoramus" or "jackass" or "racist fuckface" or "closet homosexual" or "George W. Bush" and tell you to "stay retired," and you don't have to take that, not from them, not from anyone.
Where do they get off? They must feel high and mighty sitting behind their computers at home, sniping at your wisdom from a far.... be sure to dare them to "meet anytime, anywhere" to settle things in person. Do this often to maintain your dominance.
This should be number one, actually. You need to let your passions guide you, not "compassions." Don't hesitate for a second before laying it all out there. If you think President Obama was really born in Africa, don't fall for what some consider to be "conventional wisdom," just look at his skin! If you think Sarah Palin is the Second Coming, then by all means, TELL US, AND TELL US AT LENGTH.
Hell, don't even read the story you're commenting on. Just GET IT OUT THERE.
Follow these tools and I guarantee you'll be the talk of the forum boards.
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