About a week or two back, I posted The 5 Acts Radio Needs to Stop Playing, which, as the title suggests, are nearly half a dozen acts that for some reason continue to get consistent airplay in my neck of the woods (results could vary for you). This is a component piece, for just songs. These are songs that, despite the fact that they were overplayed in their hey-days, they STILL continue to get played at least once a day on Cape Cod radio.
"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley
Admittedly, when this song first came out, it was something so new, so fun to listen to, that you couldn't help but tap your foot along with the Danger Mouse beat. Cee-Lo's voice was so unique that I remember the 40-something office drones I used to work with when this song first was released asking ME questions about it. "You're a 20-something," they'd start, "what's this new sound all about?" And then I'd say something about "American Idol" and they'd nod along knowingly.
I've never, not once, ever, watched a single episode of "American Idol" by the way.
But now, some many years after first hearing Cee-Lo screech that he must be going crazy, I too, feel the same way when this song comes on the air. Radio DJs everywhere, please, take all the copies of this song you have down at the station, and fucking light them on fire. Or feed them to seagulls, or whatever. The next time I'm driving down the road and the intro bass thumping comes on, I won't be going "crazy" I'll be going homicidal.
"Hey-Ya" by Andre 3000/Outkast
I've never liked this song, even when everyone else was "[shaking] it like a Polaroid picture." Simply put, this song dominated summer time radio back in ... what, 2005? I remember being in college when this cut first hit the airwaves and I knew I heard a hit, but I also knew that this song would forever be played in the lowest circle of pop culture hell for eternity.
This song is a song that gets the most play during radio "lunch hours," little kid's birthday parties, and Zumba classes. Andre 3000: please just keep doing the things you're really good at... your pitchy singing isn't one of them. Schtupping Erika Badu is.
"Fly" by Sugar Ray
Would you believe me if I told you that Sugar Ray used to actually be a speed metal, hardcore Better-Than-Limp-Bizket-band in the late 1990s? Then they put out "Fly" in like, 1997, and 14 fucking years later, I still hear this song once a day. You know what that means? There's kids who are younger than this song that think Mark McGrath is a huge pussy.
Didn't he like, used to race dirt bikes or something too? Now he's a co-host on Access Hollywood, or some other TMZ-like show.
But seriously, if I hear "Fly" again, I'll probably cut off my ears and fill in the holes with rubber cement. You're welcome, Mario Lopez's hand puppet!
"All Star" by Smashmouth
"Some-body, once told me ...." yeah, we all know the intro words to this song, which at it's height was on hourly rotation on Vh1, long before the network gave every money hungry, no-talent, walking STD a dating show. The portly lead singer would dance around like a human Shrek and put an L on his forehead, and we'd all smile and sing along.
But now, here in 2011, this song makes me lose an erection faster than those old Bob Dole Viagra commercials. This song isn't even allowed at Karaoke nights in the most suburban settings, yet I hear it almost daily. If radio thinks it's being nostalgic or maybe ironic by playing this song, I hope that God is a vengeful god, and radio set producers wake up one morning with their tongues stuck to their foreheads, in the shape of an L.
"The Impression that I Get" by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Oh ska, when will you just die? The punky horns and growling front man of every ska band in the country wishes they could have the same radio longevity as the Bosstones, since this song is still played (in New England, at least, since the bands from Boston... get it? Bosstones... Boston? Ha?) on a regular basis.
I've run out of ways to self-torture myself when this song comes on, and from a creative angle, I can't imagine what I'll do the next time this song inevitably starts playing in my truck. Maybe I'll eat an iPod or something, to try to gain it's strength, so that I'll be able to withstand the 4+ minutes of irritable bowels I receive at the onset of the string intro of "Impression."
Hey Bosstones, I got an impression for you... my dick poking into your face.
Remember that scene in "American Psycho" where Patrick Bateman is prattling on about Huey Lewis and the News and he does that little weird dance before cleaving Jared Leto in half? That's the kind of dancing I picture in my head when this song comes on, complete with the blade of an ax splitting my skull open all over the Real Estate section of the New York Times.
If you have any other songs that really need to stop being played with such frequency, please feel free to leave a comment below.
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