I'm Better Than You

My body fat percent
Hovers around a cent
My resting heart rate
Is about forty eight
I can do 100 push ups
my body, I'll never corrupt.

I'm better than you
This is fact, it's true
I'm the essence of greatness
judges line up to rate this
My visage is high maintenance

I practically live in the gym
in the pool, I endlessly swim
I run marathons
and triathlons
I even carry the baton
for your college track team.
I'm all lean
a clean, fighting machine
I'm what every fat slob secretly dreams

Because I'm better than you
Women line up to be choosed
I'm the picture of a god
my abs are 90% of my bod
My diet is all protein, I love me some cod

I practically never see my wife
I don't have much of a life
Our last vacation,
was to a Work Out Nation
I get angry when I don't workout
I'll stand in the mirror and pout
Pull on imaginary fat
that I think is growing that
is not really there.
They call me douchebag,
Juicehead and gym rat
They say I'm over compensating
for lack of a tool used in mating
The gym janitor gets pissed when I won't go home
my back is breaking out, from all the testosterone
my knees are bad
my kids are mad
because I lift weights
But I won't lift them.

But I'm still better than you
Don't deny it, it's true
Nice half marathon
Did you run it, or did you jog?
I'm lost in a protein shake fog.

In your worst nightmare
I'm your trainer in your ear
I'm the asshole giving you advice
while you try to figure out a new device
I noticably flex when we speak
I get off on intimidating the meek

Because I'm better than you.